This week has been one of those weeks that I wish I could just forget, but at the same time I have gone through things this week that I know have taught me life lessons that I am sure I will not forget anytime in the near future. I need to just lower my head, humbly fall to the floor and allow God to bring me through this point in my life that he has brought me to… I was told by someone today that not many people will have to go through what I have gone through this week and I don’t know whether or not that is a good thing or not. Part of me is thinking, God what are you stinkin crazy? There is no way I can handle all this, what in the world do you think you are doing…? And then the other part of me is thinking, thank you God for putting me in this place…I know that you would not have put me in this place if you knew I could not handle it…Thank you for giving me the courage to follow my heart even though people who I thought would walk alongside me during this have left me…

The emotions of this week have been at a level that I have never felt before. Reliving my past as I try to push through the present is something that I never thought I would have to do. But even as I had the privilege of dealing with all this “stuff” all at once I knew/know that this to shall pass. Just as my past passed my present will pass as well and the issues and events of this week will be something that I can look back on and learn and grow from. Hoping that I can use what I went through this week to help someone else when God brings them to a cross road in there life.

Throughout this week I talked to God a lot asking him questions like…
What are you doing?
Are you for real?
Why me…?
What did I do?
Are you there?
How come I can’t feel you?
Why is this so painful…?
Didn’t I go through enough of this as a kid?
Am I alone?
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I a failure?
Where do I go from here?
Was what I did wrong?
Are you listening to me!?
Are you sure you know what you are doing?
Can you handle my future?
How come I can’t hear you?
…………………………….

Throughout this week God talked to me reminding me that…
YOU ARE NOT ALONE…
I know…
It’s okay to not know…
It’s okay to cry…
You need to trust…
I am bigger then you…
This may be hard for you but this is way bigger then you…
I have control of your future there is no need to worry…
I love you...
You are beautiful when you are broken…
…………………………………………...


I have been listening to this song over and over again. It has helped me to remember that even though this week was the hardest week that I have ever had, that what I am going through will pass. :o)


Dream Big
When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,'Cause better days are sure to come.And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,And don't let them know that they have won.And when you walk, walk with pride, And don't show the hurt inside,Because the pain will soon be gone.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,'Cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,And it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,But when the troubles come your way.

And when you dream, dream big,As big as the ocean, blue.'Cause when you dream it might come true.But when you dream, dream big.