LORD I NEED YOU!

I found out this morning that I will be going to another funeral this weekend… My best friend from high school called me crying and I had to do whatever I could to stay strong for her. Pain, fear, hurt, sorrow, questions…all these emotions are pouring out of my pores. The core of my heart is crying out “Lord I need you…” I need you because I don’t have answers for the ones I love… “Lord I need you…” Because my strength is not able to withstand the pressure I am feeling… “Lord I need you...” Because I can’t keep going through this and acting like I have it all together… “Lord I need you…” Because without you I know I am nothing even though right now I want to push you away… LORD I NEED YOU!

How do you love through the hurt…How do you smile through the pain…How do you lead with a limp…How do you answer tough questions when you don’t know the answers… How do you love life but at the same time hate it…How do you heal…

Lord I need you… I am going to be at a place this weekend where I never thought I would be. I don’t even know what to say or what to do. How do I love the ones I love and let them know that this is all happening for a reason… I can just imagine… “I am so sorry for your loss but its in Gods hands and everything is going to be alright” BARFFF How do you let an unbelieving family know that God is in control of such an awful situation? I am NOT going to tell them that God is in control because I am a believer and during a time like this I don’t even want to hear this. Though in my heart I know it is true I still struggle with understanding the why…

So as I close this blog my thoughts are all over the place and my heart at times feels so heavy with pain. I need to remember that I am still happy and my strength still comes from something greater then me. I guess you could say that though the situations in life right now is not ideal that in my fathers arms I will rest, simply saying with as much strength as I can…”Lord I need you…”