I have been thinking about a lot lately… and by a lot I mean my future. Where I will be, what the pathway there will look like, who will I meet, will I be good enough, why am I doubting, I’m not going to be like this forever…am I…, is God still in control, does anyone believe in me, am I doing the right thing, why am I so scarred… A lot see!
Well I have not come up with any miraculous conclusion or answer but I can tell you this. And I know that what I am about to say is mundane but I have to tell myself this otherwise I forget and I get stuck in a rut and I don’t want to be in a rut I want to be moving forward, persevering pressing on toward the goal so here it goes…
It does not matter where I will be, what the pathway looks like or who I will meet! I am good enough I just need to let go and let God! Letting go and letting God will also help with the whole doubting thing. Who cares if you are going to be like this forever! Yeah it may suck but nothing great ever came without endurance so SUCK IT UP DIANE. GOD IS IN CONTROL GET OUT OF THE WAY! As for anyone believing in me well that I guess just comes with trusting that Gods plan for me is great and I need to let go of myself. I need to start taking the I out of sentences and trust that it is not about me and that my goals and dreams may be different then His goals and dreams for my life, and I should just be happy to even have the opportunity to be a part of His plan…
Yuck…
Well that was hard to hear…
I am at no point right now in my life to take what I just said and feel great…in fact it makes me feel pretty crappy. I wish I could say that after this little pep talk I just gave myself that my life is back on track and that I am not going to question God anymore and I am not going to wonder but I would be lying. However I know that even though I don’t feel great about the pep talk I just gave myself I know that there is truth in what I just said. And even though it’s hard to hear and it’s not what I want to hear I know that it is truth and the truth will set me free…
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1 comment:
thinking about you...and Diane, know PEOPLE do believe in you....and listen I'm glad to go through the journey with ya....listen, emotions sometimes get in the way..sometimes we 'do it afraid'.....reading this week in a chapter of 'When God Waits' and something rang true...
'retain absolute faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be'...our ability to wait well requires both of these elements to work in tandem-absolute honesty about our current conditions combined with unswerving commitment to God's promised future. Realism plus tenacity equals breakthrough.'
it reminded me of your place now...you are absolutely honest, and in your transparency and search for answers, you are vulnerable...you, even in your blog are speaking to yourself, even though the emotions aren't there to follow through...you know God is at work...so keep pushing, keep going....I'm proud of you..
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