A season of Circumstances...

A season of circumstances…

As I take some time to look back on this past year I notice all of the different circumstances that God has put in my path. Circumstances that have brought me to a place that I never thought I would be both geographically and emotionally… And When I talk about this past year I am talking about how May of last year as I walked a crossed the staged and graduated I had my life planned out…and let me just tell you it was not a life filled with circumstances…
Circumstances such as…
Confusion
Questions
Lack of Friends
Learning to be real
Dealing with my past
Trying to figure out my present
Loneliness
Resigning from my first job
Getting in a car accident
My sister-in law having a major stroke
Moving out of my parents house
Trying to figure out who I am
Learning to be real
Taking steps in fear
Trusting God with $$$$$.... (still working on this one)
Being uncomfortable
Learning to not force the growth of fruit during a drought
Brokenness
Doubt
My Grandpa died
Learning to live ALONE…
Anger
I was robbed…
I had to love people who seemed unlovable…

The list circumstance I have gone through could go on and on but let me say one thing about all of them…I have not enjoyed any of them! But I would not change this past year for anything. Throughout this past year I have never ever felt so close to God. Though the feeling of being alone has never been more present in this season of my life, God has taught me that He is really all I need…Now I am not one to sugar coat life with flowers and candy but God is really the only reason I know that I made it through this past year.

Life sucks sometimes…Its hard! But I have learned that God is bigger then all the crap going on in my life. I am not one to let the whole world know about all the garbage going on in my life but I am making an exception this time because I know there are people who feel that they are all alone…and the truth is you may be “worldly alone”… meaning you may have no one to talk to, no one returns your phone calls, no one really cares that you cry yourself to sleep, you may not have anyone to hangout with on a Friday night… but everything just listed above is of this world. God is bigger and if I had not experienced this past year I would have rolled my eyes at you and said something like this to myself “are you kidding?!? What a joke she used the old saying God is Bigger… that makes me want to BARFF…” but it’s the truth and sometimes it does us some good to be reminded of the simple things in life and are just plain true…God is bigger…

So as I start this new season of my life…moving…networking…new jobs…alone…I know that I can do this. I may doubt and have moments of weakness but I know that in my weakness he is strong. I know that even though I may sit by myself on a Friday night that I am not alone. I know that I have passions and dreams for a reason and it is my job to not get overwhelmed by the circumstances that surround and press on toward the prize.

I want to be the spark that sets the world on fire…I want to follow my dreams and trust God with them…

1:38 AM

So here I am on an early Wednesday morning overwhelmed and scared of what is to come… I know that God is in control and that I have no reason to feel overwhelmed but the fact of the matter is that I am! Does that make me less of a Christian? I don’t think it does. There are plenty of times in the bible where people who love God cry out for help, they cry out asking God for reassurance asking for Gods loving arms to hold them. So as I continue to walk forward in fear I am also crying out to God… “HOLD ME! Give me a sign that this is your will for my life…I can’t do this alone. And I know that you are there I just can’t feel you and right now I need to feel you! Thoughts of my past are telling me that I can not do this…GOD I NEED YOU! Please don’t just leave me. Help me. Lead me. Hold me…”



This is the cry of my heart…

Courage

Faith is the courage to believe something enough that we risk going for it whole heartedly.


Faith= Taking all your fears rapping them around your heart and walking in FAITH.


Doing IT in Fear.

Soon I will be doing something that I never thought I would have the courage to do. So as I walk down this path that sometimes leaves me trembling I will rest knowing that I am doing this for God and NO ONE ELSE!


God I want to discover the treasure you’ve painted in me...

Taking steps to reach my goals…
And doing it in fear…

I want to be caught up in something bigger then me
I don't want the things in my life to be the only thing I see
Though the world around me may be crumbling
Help me to see that the world is bigger then me

Help me to see the pain of your people
Help me to be a living walking steeple
Help me to show love and compassion
Help me to be your refection

There's suffering and pain all around me
There are people who are homeless and
Kids who are hungry

Light...

Your thoughtfulness came at a time when I thought the world around me was crashing down. Your caring heart brought tears of happiness to me. Something I did think would happen because the only thing I had been crying was tears of pain and hurt. Your simple act of love brought me hope. During the time when I was questioning if I did the right thing your simple act of thoughtfulness gave me strength and reminded me that I was not alone. Words can not express how thankful I am for you and your heart. Thank you for being a light in a very dark room...