Joy...

How often do you hear people say, "Megan is so full of joy"? It's more like, "Megan seems so happy". That's because happiness and joy are two different things, and more often we see people temporarily happy, rather than consistently filled with joy. Happiness is more like a mood, meaning it can change at any given moment. It is our fleshly nature that we are happy when things are going our way and if they are not, then our flesh will surely show it. It’s temporary. Joy is much more than just a feeling. It is possessing great delight and gladness. I want internal joy, not external happiness. How about you?


The Bible is always making mention of being full of joy. Even, having abundance of joy and having fullness of joy. That gives me the impression that we can have joy that is complete and be filled to capacity with it. Have you ever had all the joy that you can hold, with room for nothing else? When the enemy throws his fiery darts at you or life’s circumstances try you, the joy you have produced will not allow these things to weigh on your emotions, or allow you to be filled with worry, doubt or fear...


So, how do we produce joy in our lives? You have joy unspeakable in the presence of the Father. That is, having joy on a level that is unable to be explained. That is the kind of joy that the world and the temporary things of this world cannot offer you. "You will show me the path of life: in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Psalm 16:11)." You can get in the presence of God by praising Him. The Word of God teaches us that God inhabits our praise. (Psalm 22:3). When you praise God, He is present. If you don’t know how to praise Him, the Bible even tells us how to praise God- just read Psalm 149. So, there is no excuse- if you want joy- there are detailed instructions on how to get it. Pursue it and use your joy as a witness of what God can produce in your life!


So after all of that let me explain something. I have been trying to look at my life and see why this past year has been so up and down…and why I have not been able to find Joy. So I did some reading and studying trying to find out what real Joy is and how I can find a way to bring Joy back into my life. And after this weekend I was able to find Joy again... and it was just as the word said it would be...I found joy when I was praising God...

This week has been one of those weeks that I wish I could just forget, but at the same time I have gone through things this week that I know have taught me life lessons that I am sure I will not forget anytime in the near future. I need to just lower my head, humbly fall to the floor and allow God to bring me through this point in my life that he has brought me to… I was told by someone today that not many people will have to go through what I have gone through this week and I don’t know whether or not that is a good thing or not. Part of me is thinking, God what are you stinkin crazy? There is no way I can handle all this, what in the world do you think you are doing…? And then the other part of me is thinking, thank you God for putting me in this place…I know that you would not have put me in this place if you knew I could not handle it…Thank you for giving me the courage to follow my heart even though people who I thought would walk alongside me during this have left me…

The emotions of this week have been at a level that I have never felt before. Reliving my past as I try to push through the present is something that I never thought I would have to do. But even as I had the privilege of dealing with all this “stuff” all at once I knew/know that this to shall pass. Just as my past passed my present will pass as well and the issues and events of this week will be something that I can look back on and learn and grow from. Hoping that I can use what I went through this week to help someone else when God brings them to a cross road in there life.

Throughout this week I talked to God a lot asking him questions like…
What are you doing?
Are you for real?
Why me…?
What did I do?
Are you there?
How come I can’t feel you?
Why is this so painful…?
Didn’t I go through enough of this as a kid?
Am I alone?
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I a failure?
Where do I go from here?
Was what I did wrong?
Are you listening to me!?
Are you sure you know what you are doing?
Can you handle my future?
How come I can’t hear you?
…………………………….

Throughout this week God talked to me reminding me that…
YOU ARE NOT ALONE…
I know…
It’s okay to not know…
It’s okay to cry…
You need to trust…
I am bigger then you…
This may be hard for you but this is way bigger then you…
I have control of your future there is no need to worry…
I love you...
You are beautiful when you are broken…
…………………………………………...


I have been listening to this song over and over again. It has helped me to remember that even though this week was the hardest week that I have ever had, that what I am going through will pass. :o)


Dream Big
When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,'Cause better days are sure to come.And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,And don't let them know that they have won.And when you walk, walk with pride, And don't show the hurt inside,Because the pain will soon be gone.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,'Cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,And it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,But when the troubles come your way.

And when you dream, dream big,As big as the ocean, blue.'Cause when you dream it might come true.But when you dream, dream big.

I want to seek you with reckless abandonment...
I want to love you even when I am not content...
I want to fall at your feet and feel your mercy's flow...
I want to be everything you want and more…
I want to know that everything is going to be okay…
I want to rest in your loving arms...

To my king who finds me in my brokenness…

In My Quiet Place...

So as of lately I have been trying to find God in the things around in me. I have been trying to put myself in situations where I am forced to not focus on what is going on with me but I am able to love and care for what is going on around me. However during this time I have also noticed a lot about who I am and what makes me do some of the things I do. I do some of the things I do to avoid the things I don’t want to deal with. I have been trying to focus on others so I would not have to focus on myself and the things that I am needing to work through. Now I am not saying that I am only loving and caring for other people because I don’t want to deal with what is going on with me that is not true at all because I truly have a passion to love and care for others. However while I was trying to find God in the things around me He was trying to meet with me…
I however was to busy looking for Him to even see Him.

This is when I learned that…

I have to have my quiet place…but more importantly I have to invite God to my quiet place. I have to be willing to stop and allow God to meet me where I am at even if I have no idea where I am. I have to be willing to just be, knowing that I don’t always have to look for God because He is always there even if I don't feel or see Him.

All over the stinkin place...BUT

Bless the one who patiently
Endures the Lords testing
Bless the one who perseveres
When all we want to do is be resting…

He really knows what’s going on
It’s all part of his plan
And all that you need to do is just grab hold of his hand

He wants to love you unconditionally
He wants to be the only one you see
Heal your hurting heart
Every broken part
Ever last inch of you…

When trials are upon you
Let them be an opportunity
To tell Satan that he won’t win
So he minus well stop tryin

God has your back
And even though it’s hard
You don’t want to give in
And let Satan win…

I was trying to figure out what to blog about because I don’t really feel like I have my thoughts put together enough to make sense out of them so I sat down with my guitar and this is the blog you get. This blog is a song that I have written… I find that when I write music that my songs become my prayer to God. So as I am sure you think that by the way this song is written that I know what I need to do, that may be true but sometimes its hard to connect all the head knowledge to your heart. So I will end up singing this song over and over to God in hopes that the head knowledge that came out in this song would soon become my heart knowledge as well.

Back to The Basics

This weekend gave me time to think…hmmm sometimes that is not such a good thing but what happened this weekend truly was a good thing. Lately I have been overwhelmed with life. Not wanting to be uncomfortable and not seeing God in the things that were happening around me. But this weekend made me stop…



Listen






Cry







See






This weekend God made sure that I noticed what REALLY was going on in my life. Throughout the past couple months I have been so overwhelmed by what has been taking place in my life that I have neglected to see Him in my life. I wake up in the morning thanking God for my life but then stick my feet on the floor dreading what lies ahead. This weekend brought me back to the basics. Where instead of being overwhelmed by what was taking place in my life I was able to be overwhelmed by what was in my life…and this weekend was the first weekend that I was able to see God in my life.

In the conversation…
In the sunset…
In the silence…
In the tears…
In the music…
In the people…
In the sky…
In the church…
In the time or lack of time…
In the realness…
In the kids…

Thank you God for bringing me back to the basics this weekend and allowing me to not be overwhelmed by what is taking place in my life but giving me the opportunity to be overwhelmed by what is in my life.

Family...

This past weekend gave me some time to really think about what family ment to me. I have been having a hard time trying to figure out what family is and how family's are suppose to treat each other, but this weekend things became much clearer.

A family can be a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals. Which to me means a lot. It means I really do have a family who cares about me. You see my blood family causes more pain and tears then they do joyful happy moments and it made me think that if that is what a famliy is then I DON'T WANT IT. So when I found out that your family does not have to be blood related it gave my heart hope...

It gave my heart hope in the word Family...

* a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals.

FAMILY....


What is Family and what role are they suppose to play in your life?







This Blog will be finished at a later time...this is just something that I have been thinking about a lot.

Please Be Patient with Me

As I was driving in the car tonight I was listening to the radio and I heard a song. Now I don’t really know what this song was about but five words in this song spoke to me…Please Be Patient With Me… I feel like I just keep going to God telling Him that I am lost and hurting. That sometimes I wake up and try to give all my worries, cares and concerns away and I think that I succeeded but that night my heart is heavy again and I cry out to God yet again. So as I was listening to this song on the radio tonight those five words became my prayer to God…
God Please be patient with me as I fall on my face everyday. Please be patient with me as I struggle to believe in myself. God please be patient with me as I try to figure out what your will is for my life. God please be patient with me as I can’t find joy right now. God please be patient with me as I try to make the right choices in life. Please be patient with me as I question your plan for my life. God please be patient with me as I wonder through this life. Please be patient with me as I feel alone even though I know you are here. God please be patient with me for my thoughts doubt you…



God Please Just Be Patient With Me!


Though I question, wonder and wander I know your there!

Words

This is going to be a quick blog... I just wanted to get my feelings out a little. Last night I had the chance to talk to someone who on most occasions I enjoy talking to. But last night was different. Last night the words of this person cut right to my heart. The words she spoke were not that of encouragement they were words of self greed. Her words brought tears to my eyes and doubt to my heart. I feel like God has brought me to this point of my face being on the ground and when I think I am just starting to pick myself up off the ground someone comes and pushes me down to the ground again. God it is my simple prayer that you would take my heart and fill it with your words and give me the strength to take the words that were spoken to me and put them behind me…

Beautiful Mess...

Let me first start out by say this blog is dedicated to a really good friend of mine. Sometimes I feel the words I want to tell you don’t come out the way I want them to so I thought that maybe if I wrote them down they might sound a little better.

The Definition of Beautiful is: having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind. And the definition of Mess is: a state of embarrassing confusion or an unpleasant or difficult situation. Now let me just tell you how these two words go together at a time like this.

I have this friend who is amazing. Her heart is pure and honest. She has a personality that can light up a room. Her passion to serve and honor her Heavenly Father is something that I strive to have. She has taught me what it means to be transparent. She is someone who knows what it means to not have it altogether. She is someone who may cry herself to sleep at night but would be there for you on that same night if you needed to cry yourself to sleep. She is real. She has a heart to serve and to love people. She makes me want to be a better person. She is someone who will not pass judgment on someone. She is someone who I can cry with and laugh with… (Can we say hairy men from AFV) She is someone I can be myself around. She is someone who will listen and she is someone who will think for me when my thoughts may be a little off base. :o) She loves selflessly and gives of herself. She is truly BEAUTIFUL!

Now let’s talk about this Mess, this state of embarrassing confusion and the unpleasant and difficult situations that we face. Life can be hard, down right messy at times! You can know what you want to do one minute and then have no idea the next minute. You have dead lines, pressure, people to impress, bills to pay, people to stay connected with, a family to stay connected with, bitterness, worries, doubt, fear … You question yourself. You ask questions like, where did I go wrong? Am I good enough to do anything? Why am I not where I wanted to be at this time in my life? Does God really care? What will people think if they really know how I am doing? Why don’t I have my life figured out? What is the right next step? What will happen if I let my guard down? You are in a state of confusion. Life throws all this at you and when it hits you all at once you have a MESS. You have a situation that is uncomfortable and embarrassing because you think that you should have it all together. Well let me just say that if this is you its okay.

My Friend it is okay. You my dear are a BEAUTIFUL MESS! Though you may not have it altogether you have a foundation that can not be taken from you. Though you may walk through today with questions of doubt and uncertainty about tomorrow know that you are never alone. Sometimes we feel afraid, lonely, confused and helpless but rest assured that you are not alone. Though your world may be spinning know that I will be a hand for you to hold when you get dizzy. Know that even if you have no idea what you are doing or where you are going I love you and I believe in you. You are a strong and beautiful women. Sometimes God puts us is seasons like this so he can rip us down and build us up again. I guess you could say its the way that we mend. My heart is filled with care and compassion for you. I pray that even though you question, doubt, wonder, worry, fear, cry… that you would know that God is in control. And I know that that statement is kind of obvious but I know that for me sometimes it helps to have the things that are obvious pointed out again. You are a great friend and even though you may feel like you are a mess right now know that you are a beautiful mess.

Some of the pictures in the the slide show you have seen before. I really just liked the song and wanted you to hear it .